Healthy Relationships

Here are a few methods that I found to give yourself an idea of what parenting will be like, or to make you smile with recognition if you have already taken the plunge.

Women: To Prepare For Maternity…
Put on a dressing gown and stick a pillowcase filled with beans down the front.
Leave it there for 9 months.
After nine months, take out 10 percent of the beans.
Alternatively:
Drink a litre of water.
Do not go to the bathroom for 24 hours, or
Go to the bathroom every 3-5 minutes with no regard to the “amount” you have deposited.
Either way you will get a good sense of what “bloatation” is like.

Men: To Prepare For Paternity…
Go to the local chemist -

• Tip the contents of your wallet on the counter
• Tell the pharmacist to help himself
• Then go to the supermarket.
• Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
• Go home.
• Pick up the paper.
• Read it for the last time.

Before You Stop Using Birth Control…

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple whoare already parents and berate them about their -

• Methods of discipline
• Lack of patience
• Apallingly low tolerance levels
• Allowing their children to run wild.

Suggest ways in which they might improve -

• Their child’s sleeping habits
• Toilet training
• Table manners and,
• Overall behavior.

Enjoy it–it will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.